Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
