Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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