Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
