god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
