i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
