in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
