Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was confusing and full of hummus
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
