I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
