Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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