i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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