I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
