There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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