Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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