I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
