there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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