Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
