so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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