Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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