I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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