Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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