oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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