I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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