i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
