Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
