I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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