So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
