Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
