If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
