He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
