Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
