I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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