You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
