I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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