I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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