Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
