How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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