In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I skipped work to stalk him.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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