i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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