If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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