we're chasing vodka with high fives
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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