I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
