I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
