You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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