no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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