You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
