He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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