Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
