guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
