I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
