I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
