So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
