so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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