She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize