Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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