dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
