the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
