Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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