I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
