My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
