haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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